What is your body saying?

So I was thinking about communication, (Again, since it’s so important to a successful relationship) and I thought I would talk about body language. I have touched on this here and there in the past, but I wanted to break it down a little more for you, so here goes:

Body language is the non-verbal movements we make as a part of how we communicate, and all body movement is body language. It is said that when we communicated we use 7% words, 38% tone and 55% body language.( Imagine that) Non-verbal communication includes tone of voice, eye movement, posture, hand gestures, facial expressions and more. Since less than 10% of communicating is words. It’s important to be just as aware of these other functions, when building great communication.

Listening and paying attention to someone when they’re speaking, is a key aspect of good communication. This lets the person know that you are interested in what they are saying. There are a few ways to show that you are listening. Ignore distractions, sitting still, slowly nodding your head and do not sit with your hands cross over your chest. (Defensive position) This shows that you're not open to what they are saying. Just try to be as relaxed as possible, and it never hurt to take notes if possible.

Be patience when listening to what the person is saying. When you want to hear more of what someone is saying, you are patient. Listen until they have finished speaking and do not interrupt. Even when you have something to say, give them time to complete what they have to say. If you butt in, it will look as if your intent was never to hear what they have to say in the first place, but only to make your point.

It’s difficult to control body language in emotional situations, so its best if you wait a while, at least until you have cleared your thoughts and have your emotions in check. If the other person what to talk about the problem, but you have decide you are not ready. It's important to be considerate to the other persons feelings as well. Always find a suitable way to make that person understand your disposition at that moment in time, without adding fuel to the fire. (Showing negative body language)

He heals me

This is one of my favorite songs. To me this song wraps up how you should feel, when you're in a great relationship. I notice that most people’s comment on this song is, they would love to feel this way about someone someday. You don't just find someone like this. This love doesn't happen overnight. The song is India's artistic expression of the love she shares. What you're not hearing in the song, is the process it took to get to this place. It takes team work and communication. Great communication eventually leads to trust. When you have trust and communication, everything else is fairly easy. It's only a lot of work if both persons aren't on the same page. India Arie is a truly gifted singer and a remarkable song writer.

You reap what you sew

Are you sewing good seeds in your relationships? Not just the one with your lover, but the ones with your children, friends and family. The growing process can be a long one and we can get discouraged along the way. But let’s not forget to nourish our seeds, so they can bear good fruits. This blog is a seed that I have planted, and yes I do get discouraged many times. I greatly appreciate those who have taken the time to read what I have to share. I'm even more grateful to be able to help anyone in anyway, but sometime I still get discouraged because I sometimes feel I'm not making a big enough difference. I know that even though my fruit isn't ready to be reaped, it's in the growing and nourishing phase. If I keep doing what I'm doing, I will eventually reap the good that I have sewed. Check out these tips from www.ezinearticles.com.

We practice what we've learned, even if it means damaging our relationship or marriage. And crazy as it sounds, we pass that same dysfunctional communication onto our children, who then, guess what, pass it onto theirs. Our parents did the best they could with what they knew. So did we. But if it's not working, why not let the buck stop with you? Here's how to stop destructive fighting:

1. Become a giving personality

• "Can I get you a glass of soda while I'm up?"

• "Can I help you wash the car?"

• "Let's go out to dinner tonight so you don't have to cook."

2. Lead the way in finding $ solutions.

• Pay the bills together.

• Together make and stick to a monthly budget.

• Decide jointly how to spend extra money that month.

3. Say something loving every day.

• "Thank you for helping me with the kids."

• "Thank you for working hard every day."

• "You get more handsome/beautiful every day."

4. Have fun at home.

• Home should be the place you come to unwind, not fight.

• Home is where you get to try out your latest joke to a loving audience.

• Housework can wait. First welcome home each member of the family at the end of the day.

5. Don't fight in front of the kids.

• It damages their personalities.

• They become afraid you do not love them and will next turn your anger toward them.

• They will continue this dysfunction with their own children.

6. Calm down. It's bad for your health

• It raises your blood pressure.

• It prevents you from being heard & understood.

• Winning is not the final victory in your relationship or marriage.

7. Take turns being heard.

• Learn to really hear what your lover is saying.

• Stop formulating your response. Just sit and listen.

• After your partner is finished speaking, repeat back in your own words what you think you just heard.

8. Let go of blame and instead aim for solutions.

• Blame is never going to resolve the problem. It's emotionally abusive.

• If you're not aiming for a solution, you'll never move past the problem.

• Agree on a solution, forgive and start the new moment free of anger.

9. No fair yelling or interrupting.

• Even if that's what you grew up with, stop it. It's rude.

• Yelling and interrupting is verbally abusive.

• Yelling and interrupting closes down the line of communication and the ability to find a solution.

10. Don't bring your relationship problems to work.

• One, it will jeopardize your job.

• Two, talking over your personal problems with someone of the opposite sex is emotionally abusive to your partner and opens the door for a sympathetic affair.

• Three, it's healthier to talk things over within the relationship, with your best friend or with a trusted advisor.

11. Don't have "friends" of the opposite sex that you won't introduce to your mate.

• Oh please, are you really doubting this? Wake up.

• It's far healthier for both of you to choose other happy couples as your friends.

• If you have any doubts about the friendship and feel someone may be overstepping appropriate behavior within the friendship, find better friends.

12. Find something spiritual you can do together.

• Find a God, Higher Power or Spiritual Helper that you can both believe in. Maybe it's walking in nature, maybe it's a church, maybe it's prayer or meditation.

• Relying on your own dysfunction to make good decisions for your relationship is spiritually abusive. Have faith in something besides your dysfunction.

• Pray for each other. Give thanks for each other. Learn the lessons each of you provide one another. Obstacles are not punishment. They are in front of you to learn something that will pull you both out of the dysfunction and into a happy, loving relationship.

It is possible to disagree within your loving relationship or to have different opinions, but your goal is to love someone enough to allow them their non harmful beliefs and continue to love them. If it feels harmful to you, then it's time to sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk and work out a solution. Everyone, no matter how harmful their history, has the ability to turn that dysfunction around and build the loving, supportive relationship of their dreams.

You are forbidden to talk about your EX

There is always going to be a lot of talks and options, about being friends with “The Ex”. It seems no one likes to hear about an ex. In my option, the simple reason for these restrictions is insecurity and selfishness. No doubt your ex will probably try to get back with you, and if they cross the line, you know exactly what needs to be done. We all have to face this challenge almost every day. I'm sure there is at least one person that has tried to get with you, since you have been in your current relationship. Bottom line is if you are a desirable person, someone is going to try to get in your pants.

Will not talking to you ex make you relationship less stressful? The answer is more than likely yes. But, it’s obvious there is a bigger issue than just your ex. If it’s not your ex, it’s going to be other persons of the opposite sex. I’m just saying… Deep down you know this is the truth. You can’t stop anyone from doing what they want to do, only they can make that decision. You can’t change people, you can only change yourself. Where there is will there is a way. Get it? Or do you need a few more.

The point is, you need to work on the INSECURITY issues, because they will always be tied to TRUST issues. Here are a list of thing not to say about the ex. Even if your other half doesn't care about "The EX." It's still good to avoid these things, even if it's just to be considerate.

Things Not to Say about Your Ex Girlfriend/Wife

1. She was good/bad at sex (don't bring it up period)

2. She is Super hot

3. My parents loved her.

4. She was really smart and ambitious

5. She was a better cook

Things Not to Say about Your Ex Boyfriend/Husband

1. He was good/bad at sex (don’t bring it up period)
2. He brought me here once
3. He was funny
4. My last boyfriend/Husband was a little bigger
5. He had lots of money

I need romance

Is your idea of romance, just jumping in the sack. Or you do you think, you just don't have a romantic bone in your body. Maybe you have ran out of ideas or need a refesher course. If you feel you need a little kick to jump start your mojo, here are some tips. The list of romantic tips is endless. The internet is lettered with them, but I have done all the research for you and came up with a few, I thought was worth sharing. I know… most of them are corny, but if the works, it’s worth it right? Also, bare in mind there is no subsitutation for creativity.

1. Buy a stylish hand mirror and give it to your partner as a gift. Include a card in the box saying. “In this mirror you will see the image of the most beautiful women in the world.”
2. Call him at work and say: "Hello handsome! Are you free tonight?"
3. Hire a masseuse to give your partner a professional massage at home.
4. Have a pillow fight.
5. Create a music mix of your favorite love songs and get busy
6. Cuddle on the sofa and watch a movie.
7. Walk on the beach in the moonlight.
8. Ask him to pick a number between 1 and 50, then reward him with that number of kisses.
9. Make a habit of taking a stroll after dinner every evening.
10. Make love on top of the washer/dryer (while it's running).
11. Attach a note on the TV remote: "Turn me on istead!"
12. Shower together by candlelight.
13. Get tickets for an event and keep it a secret until the day arrives.
14. Hide a greeting card under your partner's pillow.
15. Slip a little love note into his wallet
16. Give a foot massage
17. Perform a sensual shower in front of him. Or shower together - it's sexy and you'll save water :-)
This last one, reminds me of the time I did a sexy rub down in the bath for my hubby and I totally slipped under the water… we couldn’t stop laughing. Anyway… carry on.
18. While your lover is in the shower, or bath, put their bath towel in a hot dryer for a few minutes.
19. Mail your partner a Calling card with your name and number on it. Write on it: “Your instant resource of love. Call when lonely.”
20. Serve breakfast in bed

If all else fails, keep in mind- Three simple sex rules:

girls are slow, guys are fast...

guys are visual: Show him...

girls are auditory: Tell her...

How to Build Trust in you Relationship

Have you heard the old saying? "Without trust, there is no love."

So you have come to the realization that the real reason your relationship is failing, is trust. You can trust him as far as you can throw him. You’ve BOTH talk about it and you’re BOTH ready to take the next step. So what do you do? You wonder, how exactly are we going to build trust, when that was the problem in the first place. I think the very first step should be ACCEPTANCE. I’ve never heard of a couple that is identical. Yes, you can have alot in common, but not identical. Accept you partner's short comings and help them work on what they can change. Being different is vital to the successful of a relationship (Creates balance.) These differences when combined, makes a couple stronger than they would be as individuals.

Here are some more tips by Darlene Zagata.


Be honest. If you're ever going to build trust in a relationship you need to be honest. Not only do you need to be honest with your partner, but you also need to be honest with yourself as well. People often pretend to be happy on the surface when in their heart they know they're not. There may be problems in a relationship that one or both partner refuses to acknowledge. They spend their days in denial without confronting the real issues. Being honest with each other and acknowledging issues that need to be addressed can help healing take place and build a stronger relationship.

Keep your word.If you say you're going to do something then do it otherwise don't make promises you can't keep. This applies to all relationship not just those of a romantic nature. If you repeatedly make promises and then break them people, including your significant other may begin to perceive you as not being trustworthy. Try to keep your word in all things and don't make promises if you don't think you can keep them. Yes, there are times when we all have to break an occasional promise but when this happens consistently it gives others the impression that your word is not worth much. Keeping your word and following through will help others to build trust in you.

Respect others.Respect the wishes of others including your romantic partner. Where trust often needs to be earned respect should come naturally. But if you can't give respect you're unlikely to get it and even less likely to be trusted. Even in the best relationship people need privacy or just some time alone. Respect your partner's needs and don't assume that just because he/she needs some time alone that he/she is doing something wrong. Sometimes people just need a little bit of space and there's nothing wrong with that. Don't make assumptions and don't jump to conclusions. Be understanding and your partner as well as others will respect you for it.

Face your fears.People often react the way they do due to inner fears. Fear is usually the motive behind jealousy in romantic relationships. A person fears losing the one he/she loves and so reacts with jealousy. But trust can overcome jealousy. Face your fears. Talk about them with your partner. Once you've faced your fears it becomes easier to release feelings of anxiety and allow trust to build and grow naturally.

Have confidence in yourself.People who have trust issues often have low self-esteem. Learning to be confident and trust in yourself can be the first step to building trust in your relationship.

Know yourself and your needs.Know what it is that you are looking for in a relationship. People often try to fill gaps in their own lives through a relationship when in truth what they feel is missing can only be found in themselves. Knowing what is most important to you in a relationship before you commit to one can provide you with a strong sense of self-reliance which in turn can help prevent trust issues due to insecurity from developing in the first place.

Give yourself and your relationship time.Trust doesn't always come easily. It often needs to be earned. Give yourself and your relationship time to grow and develop and trust will build and grow stronger as well. Trust doesn't happen overnight but it will happen. Give it time.

Forgive and let go. People often carry baggage from past relationship into the present. If they've been hurt or betrayed in the past they may fear the same thing will happen again. He/she may find it difficult to trust the new partner even though that person has given no reason for him/her not to be trusted. In instances such as this the individual who has been hurt must try to move past the hurt and get on with his/her life. You can't judge everyone by the actions of one person. Forgive, let go and move forward with your life. This is the best way to learn to trust again.

Tips for Building a strong relationship

Graman Bell shares this great ebook for free, and I though it was worth sharing. He talks briefly about the misconceptions of relationships, but goes in detail on these 10 topics. Enjoy the free book and try using the tips to improve your relationship. The topics are listed below, but click on the link for more details and your free ebook.

10 Tips for Building a Strong Reationship

1. Have a strong commitment to making your relationship work
2. Think of yourselves as friends, not just as a couple
3. Accept each other's limitations
4. See yourselves as equal partners
5. Pay attention to how you communicate
6. Develop a support system
7. Handle disagreements constructively
8. Make sure each of you has some privacy and independence
9. Share rituals and traditions
10. Have fun

Two halves of a whole

Am I the only one that thinks someone played a huge trick on us? I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but men and women need each other more than we think or realize. Let me explain. Even though this can be argued for days. When it comes to matter of the heart, I think women are more emotional and men are more logical (there are exceptions). I will use myself as an example. I’m no different than any other woman. In fact those who know me can attest, I can be too emotional at times. The important thing is not to let your emotions get the best of you. My husband has taught me to be more logical, just as I have taught him to understand some of the things women are emotional about and the best way to handle these situations. The littlest things can upset the monster and learning to control it can be very difficult at times. It’s for this reason, men often think women are crazy.

The important thing as always, is communicating, it's just logical. When you're done bitching about all the emotions, you still have to make a logical decision. To be honest, I think women could avoid alot of cheater and liars, if we were more logical. You know, that gut feeling that we have and sometimes ignore because of our feelings(emotions). Yes that's your logical side trying to tell you something, and you should listen to it more. Men think women are crazy, because it’s difficult to understand a problem they didn’t know exist. Most men, and even some women don't know the real reason women can be OVERLY emotional. Only you know what the real issue is and it’s up to you to communicate it to your partner, if you want to be understood. As much as you would like it to be that way. I don’t think there is anyone that can attually read minds, or are you hiding how you really feel because you are afraid to show weakness? If that’s the case, you have more problems than you think. This means trust is the real issue and there is no way to help each other if you can’t trust each other.

10 topics couples fight about

Being prepared for the pitfalls in a relationship can help you work through them.

1. Timing togetherness: when and how often to see each other
2. Your level of commitment
3. Flirting with other people
4. Being late
5. Forgetting important dates (birthdays, anniversaries)
6. Being faithful
7. Who spends how much money and on what
8. How you spend time (watching too much TV, going out with friends)
9. The amount or type of sex you have
10. Family (when and whom to visit, their disapproval, stepchildren)

According to datingweb, here are ten topics couples fight about the most. If you’re fighting about these things, you probably need to consider working on your communication skills. Most of these are ground work topics that should be discussed in the dating period.

A common mistake that too many people make is jumping into relationships without doing the ground work. It is critical to the success of your relationship that you find out where the other person stands on most of these things before getting serious. If you thought you had this topic wrapped, but it seems things have changed. It’s time to have a chat with your boobie. Just like you would in The two head monster situation, try not to argue or accuse. Have a calm conversation about these changes and the things that you BOTH can do to improve on them. Yes, I did say BOTH, remember that a relationship takes two and by including yourself, you are showing support and that you aren’t just pointing the finger.

Relapse is possible

Emotional Relapse via NRGS is:

Emotional relapse is when the emotional content of the problems exceed, or take over, the intellectual content. It is when the irrational dominates the rational. It is when your emotional self is believed to be more important and realistic than your intellectual self. As if‘your intellectual self has no bearing on what is the right thing to do. Greater the emotional content of your problem(s), the greater the risk of relapse. Some of the problematic emotions for recovery are: self pity, anger, and resentment. If not checked and dealt with, these emotions can lead a person to relapse.


For the past couple of weeks or so I have been dealing with some self-esteem issues. My previously flawless skin has turned against me! Well at lest that’s how I feel, and what do you know… it’s affecting my relationship with my husband and my son. I feel like everyone is staring at these “flaws” and I’m unattractive. My husband tries to reassure me that I still look great, but I get mad at him for trying to fix a problem I think he knows nothing about. Sometimes it's too much and my family needs a shield from my emotional explosion. When I can’t shake these issues, I am open with my husband about how I feel and if needs be, I might have to tell him to grab the baby and take cover.

As women we are naturally emotional. There is nothing we can do about it, but we can definitely keep it in check. Every now and then I have to remind myself that the world does not revolve around me and I just need to go with the flow. Lucky for me, I have a child that helps remind me of that. Women with self-esteem issues are drive by their emotions. I know from experience that it can get ugly really quickly, if we wallow in self pity. It’s not wrong to feel the way that you do. After all, it’s your feelings and you are entitled to them. If we really think about the things that we as women stress about, most of the time it’s not even worth it.

So remember to stay grounded, because reality is, the world doesn’t revolve around us. It goes on with or without us. Be happy with yourself, change the things that you have control of and learn to accept what you can’t. Don't be afraid to communicate with your spouse about the way you feel. Once you have learned to love yourself , you will be happier and you are more contented, but just like with an addiction, relapse is very possible.