Tips for Building a strong relationship

Graman Bell shares this great ebook for free, and I though it was worth sharing. He talks briefly about the misconceptions of relationships, but goes in detail on these 10 topics. Enjoy the free book and try using the tips to improve your relationship. The topics are listed below, but click on the link for more details and your free ebook.

10 Tips for Building a Strong Reationship

1. Have a strong commitment to making your relationship work
2. Think of yourselves as friends, not just as a couple
3. Accept each other's limitations
4. See yourselves as equal partners
5. Pay attention to how you communicate
6. Develop a support system
7. Handle disagreements constructively
8. Make sure each of you has some privacy and independence
9. Share rituals and traditions
10. Have fun

Two halves of a whole

Am I the only one that thinks someone played a huge trick on us? I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but men and women need each other more than we think or realize. Let me explain. Even though this can be argued for days. When it comes to matter of the heart, I think women are more emotional and men are more logical (there are exceptions). I will use myself as an example. I’m no different than any other woman. In fact those who know me can attest, I can be too emotional at times. The important thing is not to let your emotions get the best of you. My husband has taught me to be more logical, just as I have taught him to understand some of the things women are emotional about and the best way to handle these situations. The littlest things can upset the monster and learning to control it can be very difficult at times. It’s for this reason, men often think women are crazy.

The important thing as always, is communicating, it's just logical. When you're done bitching about all the emotions, you still have to make a logical decision. To be honest, I think women could avoid alot of cheater and liars, if we were more logical. You know, that gut feeling that we have and sometimes ignore because of our feelings(emotions). Yes that's your logical side trying to tell you something, and you should listen to it more. Men think women are crazy, because it’s difficult to understand a problem they didn’t know exist. Most men, and even some women don't know the real reason women can be OVERLY emotional. Only you know what the real issue is and it’s up to you to communicate it to your partner, if you want to be understood. As much as you would like it to be that way. I don’t think there is anyone that can attually read minds, or are you hiding how you really feel because you are afraid to show weakness? If that’s the case, you have more problems than you think. This means trust is the real issue and there is no way to help each other if you can’t trust each other.

10 topics couples fight about

Being prepared for the pitfalls in a relationship can help you work through them.

1. Timing togetherness: when and how often to see each other
2. Your level of commitment
3. Flirting with other people
4. Being late
5. Forgetting important dates (birthdays, anniversaries)
6. Being faithful
7. Who spends how much money and on what
8. How you spend time (watching too much TV, going out with friends)
9. The amount or type of sex you have
10. Family (when and whom to visit, their disapproval, stepchildren)

According to datingweb, here are ten topics couples fight about the most. If you’re fighting about these things, you probably need to consider working on your communication skills. Most of these are ground work topics that should be discussed in the dating period.

A common mistake that too many people make is jumping into relationships without doing the ground work. It is critical to the success of your relationship that you find out where the other person stands on most of these things before getting serious. If you thought you had this topic wrapped, but it seems things have changed. It’s time to have a chat with your boobie. Just like you would in The two head monster situation, try not to argue or accuse. Have a calm conversation about these changes and the things that you BOTH can do to improve on them. Yes, I did say BOTH, remember that a relationship takes two and by including yourself, you are showing support and that you aren’t just pointing the finger.

Relapse is possible

Emotional Relapse via NRGS is:

Emotional relapse is when the emotional content of the problems exceed, or take over, the intellectual content. It is when the irrational dominates the rational. It is when your emotional self is believed to be more important and realistic than your intellectual self. As if‘your intellectual self has no bearing on what is the right thing to do. Greater the emotional content of your problem(s), the greater the risk of relapse. Some of the problematic emotions for recovery are: self pity, anger, and resentment. If not checked and dealt with, these emotions can lead a person to relapse.


For the past couple of weeks or so I have been dealing with some self-esteem issues. My previously flawless skin has turned against me! Well at lest that’s how I feel, and what do you know… it’s affecting my relationship with my husband and my son. I feel like everyone is staring at these “flaws” and I’m unattractive. My husband tries to reassure me that I still look great, but I get mad at him for trying to fix a problem I think he knows nothing about. Sometimes it's too much and my family needs a shield from my emotional explosion. When I can’t shake these issues, I am open with my husband about how I feel and if needs be, I might have to tell him to grab the baby and take cover.

As women we are naturally emotional. There is nothing we can do about it, but we can definitely keep it in check. Every now and then I have to remind myself that the world does not revolve around me and I just need to go with the flow. Lucky for me, I have a child that helps remind me of that. Women with self-esteem issues are drive by their emotions. I know from experience that it can get ugly really quickly, if we wallow in self pity. It’s not wrong to feel the way that you do. After all, it’s your feelings and you are entitled to them. If we really think about the things that we as women stress about, most of the time it’s not even worth it.

So remember to stay grounded, because reality is, the world doesn’t revolve around us. It goes on with or without us. Be happy with yourself, change the things that you have control of and learn to accept what you can’t. Don't be afraid to communicate with your spouse about the way you feel. Once you have learned to love yourself , you will be happier and you are more contented, but just like with an addiction, relapse is very possible.

Goodbye Michael Jackson

Hi guys... although my blog is about sharing relationship tips. I would also like to share the part of me that is deeply saddened by the pasting of Michael Jackson. I have never and will never condone, if factual the actions he was accused of. I will however miss the greatest entertainer ever in my opinion. He was also one of, if not the greatest humanitarian this world has ever known. It is really sad that the very thing that made him the great person that he was also destroyed him.

At the end of the day, my thoughts are that he wasn't strong enough to bare the great gift that was given to him. He lacked the support system that was needed to help him deal with this gift. I believe his parent could have saved this truly gifted person, if they had been there for him more emotionally. I hope that this well help at lest one person see that life isn't all about you. Show the people you love that you do love them. Show them that you care about them and the choices they make and you will care about them in the choices you make. This world would be a much better place if there were more humanitarians like Mick.

Are you really ready...

We all want a successful relationship, but sometimes we have to sit back and really think about whether we are ready for it. If you aren't ready to give it your all, you're wasting both yours and the person you get involved with time. Relationship Consultant Toni Coleman addresses some things that might be preventing you from having a successful relationship.

So, you want to fall in love? You are certainly old enough and moving well along your chosen career path. Many of your friends are either married or in committed relationships. You have grown weary of the singles scene
and the solitary life. Therefore, you must be ready, right?
Not necessarily.
So what is relationship readiness anyway? Exactly what it says. You are adequately capable of handling the commitment and challenges that a healthy, intimate relationship requires.
How do you know if you are ready? What are the characteristics you need to have or acquire in order to be ready for true love?
There are four primary areas that you should explore in order to assess your present state of readiness.
1. Take an inventory of past traumas and related major issues.
You should mentally review these and honestly look at how well you have already addressed and resolved them.
As you work through each, ask yourself, "Is this impacting me negatively in my present life." Also explore with yourself the possibility that the issue could become problematic once you have entered into an intimate relationship.
If you believe that there are things you have not yet adequately dealt with, you need to go to work on these. If you are unsure, then they bear closer examination. Consider utilizing resources such as therapy or joining a support group.
An example of such issues can include, but not be limited to; emotional, physical or sexual abuse in childhood, parents' divorce, loss of a parent or other loved one, or a past abusive or dysfunctional love relationship.

2. How's your self-awareness and self-esteem?
If you do not possess adequate self knowledge and a positive sense of self; an intimate relationship will be difficult or impossible to sustain.
For instance, do you know yourself well enough to answer the following?

Can you state your most deeply held values?
Do you know what you can't live with or without in a relationship?
Do you have a good grasp of your life goals?
Do you know your own strengths and weaknesses?

Now, do a quick assessment of your self-esteem.
How do you see yourself?
How do others see you?

Remember you present different selves:
at work
with family
with friends
in gatherings with acquaintances

If your answers tell you that you have difficulty accepting and liking yourself, or if others frequently respond negatively to you in your interactions with them, then this is an area you should begin work on. Self-love is at the foundation of all healthy relationships.

3. Are your past relationships really in the past?
If we don't get adequate closure on painful experiences/issues from past relationships, we are at risk of bringing them into present and future relationships in order to relive and resolve them.
Therefore, it's important to know that you have dealt adequately with any significant hurt or loss and have learned from any dysfunctional dynamics you may have contributed to.
If you find yourself slipping into unhealthy patterns in your thoughts or Behaviors as they relate to others; stop, identify, and then deal with that leftover issue.

4. Do you know what you want from a relationship?
We enter into relationships for many different reasons and with many different expectations. Knowing what yours are will help you to determine if this is the right relationship for you.
Too often we "choose" someone using an unconscious level of thought as our primary input. It is there that we hold our deepest unmet needs, fears and desires. Unfortunately, there is often a chasm between our conscious and unconscious selves that keeps this information "hidden" from our rational and thinking side.
Therefore, it is very important to examine all of your feeling and needs regarding any future relationship. Honestly look at what you must have and cannot live without.
You must know what you want and need from a future partner in order to choose the right one for you.
Now, spend some time exploring these four important areas before you enter into a serious romantic relationship. By doing so, you will be helping to ensure that your new relationship will be a healthy and lasting one.

Keep it spicy...

Again... I'm sharing tips from Will and Jada. I like this couples attitude and agree with a lot of what they have to share. Whether swinging or not, that doesn't mean they can't give good advice that couples in successful relationships already now works. So I say keep it spicy ladies, and men too. Don't forget that we ladies also like it exciting.

In a recent interview with Redbook, Jada reveals tips for keeping the relationship hot:

Nice outfits and high heels! And talking. And making time. You’ve got to
make time. Our men want to feel important. We want to feel important. So it’s
about establishing an environment in which that can happen. It can be hard
because we get caught in the grind of life.
Establish relationships with family members or friends and take turns with
each other’s kids so you can make that time for yourselves. It doesn’t take a
lot of money - wallets are tight right now - so just simple stuff. A night walk?
Man, do I love those. Or pack a lunch and go to the park, like Will and I did.
Even a drive - and then pull over on the side of the road!
Think of places outside that are comfortable to have sex. Does he have
access to his office? Have a fantasy date. Be his secretary! Be sneaky. Your
girlfriend’s house at a party. The bathroom! A guest bedroom! Just switch it up.
Anything like that can keep it going. Anything it takes to keep the flame
alive.

Five tips to keep his attention

So you don't think he pays you enough attention. Here are five tips to help keep or regain that attention.

Some of us are great at the chase, but not so good at the kill. In other words, we know how to get the guy, but when it comes to keeping him, it’s a different story. Once you’ve impressed your guy and wooed him, and you both finally come down from cloud nine, what’s next? How do you keep a man interested and show him that you’re worth keeping around, especially once he realizes that you’re not perfect like he thought (none of us are)? Being yourself is always a good place to start, but there are other things that you can do to keep a man by your side, help him to really appreciate you, and take that step to commit. Here are five ways to get on your guy’s good side.

1. Learn to speak his love language.
First and foremost, find out what his love language is. You can make him dinner every night, but if his love language is “words of affirmation,” you’ll be spinning your wheels. Once you’ve determined his love language, you can tailor your affections to his needs, and you’ll even reap the benefits. When your man feels loved, he’ll be more likely to shower you with the affection you deserve.

2. Give him space.
You can help to keep a man interested by simply giving him space. He needs alone time, or at least time to pursue hobbies and interests that you might not share. Pick a time each week when you each do something on your own or with your friends. It’s always important to maintain your own friendships even when you’re in a relationship. In the novelty of a new relationship, many people are tempted to spend all of their time with their new date, while letting other relationships slip. Remember, there may come a day when you need the support of your friends, so make sure you stay in their good graces! The next time he tells you he made plans with his friends, smile and tell him to have fun. Then, schedule a date at the spa with a few of your friends.

3. Don’t be his mother (but get along with her).
The last thing your guy needs is a second mother.
Now, we all know that the men in our life need some help and guidance at times (okay, all of the time), but there are ways to do this without taking him back to his high school days when his mom constantly nagged him. Try asking him to do something just once, and if that doesn’t work, ask him gently a second time, but give him the benefit of the doubt. Don’t show him that you are bothered, or he’ll resent being asked to do it. He’ll be much more likely to accommodate you if you stay positive and make him feel like he wants to do it to help you.

4. Learn to like (or at least tolerate) the things he likes.
People are different, and that’s what makes us so unique. It’s also what enables us to have meaningful and special relationships with others. It’s important to realize from the onset that your guy won’t be exactly like you, and believe me you wouldn’t want that! Can you imagine if he went to get a pedicure every two weeks or spent an hour styling his hair every morning? That being said, we’d all love it if they would just let us be when we do take longer to get ready or when we spend money to keep ourselves looking good for them. Just the same, we should be willing to let them watch football and baseball, or even spend the weekend hunting with family or friends. With time, you might even start to enjoy watching football!
Bottom line: if you want him to humor you when you go shopping or sun yourself by the pool, you need to be willing to spend a few hours doing what he loves to do. All good relationships involve give-and-take, so try giving more, and then you won’t feel bad taking a little, too!

5. Don’t push the “M” word.
We all know that the “M” word is enough to scare any guy away, especially if he’s not ready for it. If you’ve been dating for two years and the subject has never come up, then you might want to gently broach the subject. On the other hand, if you’ve only been dating for six months, you may need to be more patient. Forcing a serious issue like marriage may do more harm than good. Concentrate on making him happy and he’ll eventually come around. And if you do finally venture into the dark waters, be prepared to gently back out if you sense he feels overwhelmed. Give your relationship a chance to run its course naturally. At the same time, don’t keep a man around longer than you should. If you give him adequate time to commit and he still doesn’t seem interested, it may be time to give him the boot.The most important thing to remember in a relationship is that your work doesn’t stop once he’s yours. In fact, even the best marriages are based on hard work, and if you want to keep a man, there’s no better time to start than now. Put these five principles into practice and he’ll be yours for good! How Well Do You Understand Men?They say men and women are from different planets. You have probably had a relationship or two where it was more like different galaxies and are well aware that understanding men is a little more complicated than being able to guess what he wants for dinner. While you will probably never be able to totally read a man's mind, just how well do you understand men?

via lifescript

The two headed monster

The other day two very different friends of mine ask my opinion on a similar situation they were having in their relationships. The problem was, their other half started a silly fight and as far as they are concerned, about things that isn’t even worth quarrelling about. The BIGGER problem is when I asked did you try not arguing since you said you weren’t wrong. “No, I’m tried of backing down. I’m always the one doing it. I’m not wrong, he started it first.” So I’m going to tell you what I told them.

What do two heads create? Two heads create a monster. Now whether you think that’s biblical or logical it still creates a two headed monster. There can never be two heads in a relationship, and that is the problem. It has been said that men are the head and women are the neck that turns the head. A lot of strong women don’t know how to submit. I don’t like that word either, but it’s not as it seems. Submitting doesn’t mean doing everything that a man tells you to do, but letting him be a man. You are wondering where all the real men are? Well let me tell you. Women are becoming more aggressive towards men and this is causing men to back down and be more submissive. If you think this is a good thing, think again. Men will back down because they don’t like arguing, but what happens to an animal when it feels it's backed in a corner?

The next time your hubby starts a silly argument, DO NOT participate. If he is wrong he will come to you to makeup. When he does, let him talk, listen to everything he has to say before saying anything. When he is done, you need to tell him in the calmest way how you feel. Tell him that you don’t what to keep doing this. Make a list if needs be in preparation for the talk. However, your biggest test will come the next time he starts a silly argument. Once you have decided that you are no longer going to participate in these little insignificant arguments. You have to remind him (I don’t mean all the time, only when needed) that you mean business and stick to it. The bottom line is a person , whether man, woman or child will only do what you allow them to get away with.

Quality not Quantity

It’s important for couples to find time for each other. I know with the
hustle and bustle of our everyday life, this is near impossible. Couples raising
a family have the most difficulty finding time for each other. However, you
would be surprise at how a little can go a long way. Sometimes you have to think
outside the box. If money is short or you can’t find a babysitter, try cooking a
meal together. You can send the kids off to bed early and share a movie… Even if
the kids are watching the movie with you, you can cuddle together. Most times the
kids will be too busy watching the movie to pay attention to you cuddling.

In order for any relationship to work and be fulfilling all
aspects or things must be balanced. When you spend time with the one you love
you have a chance to fulfill all of your relationships many needs. For families,
your children will benefit from the time you spend with your spouse!
When
Mommy and Daddy don't talk to each other or do anything together kids notice.
When there is a silence, a thick stressful atmosphere or a "coldness" in the air
the children can feel it. Silence is an opposite of communication. When couples
don't spend time together there is no chance for communication to occur. A
stressful atmosphere is caused by unsaid words, unshared thoughts, angers,
regrets, unfulfilled needs, wants, and desires...etc. Children feel but don't
understand. The see but don't grasp. The whole family suffers when there is a
stressful, silent, cold atmosphere in the home.