Saturday, June 27, 2009

Goodbye Michael Jackson

Hi guys... although my blog is about sharing relationship tips. I would also like to share the part of me that is deeply saddened by the pasting of Michael Jackson. I have never and will never condone, if factual the actions he was accused of. I will however miss the greatest entertainer ever in my opinion. He was also one of, if not the greatest humanitarian this world has ever known. It is really sad that the very thing that made him the great person that he was also destroyed him.
At the end of the day, my thoughts are that he wasn't strong enough to bare the great gift that was given to him. He lacked the support system that was needed to help him deal with this gift. I believe his parent could have saved this truly gifted person, if they had been there for him more emotionally. I hope that this well help at lest one person see that life isn't all about you. Show the people you love that you do love them. Show them that you care about them and the choices they make and you will care about them in the choices you make. This world would be a much better place if there were more humanitarians like Mick.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Are you really ready...

We all want a successful relationship, but sometimes we have to sit back and really think about whether we are ready for it. If you aren't ready to give it your all, you're wasting both yours and the person you get involved with time. Relationship Consultant Toni Coleman addresses some things that might be preventing you from having a successful relationship.

So, you want to fall in love? You are certainly old enough and moving well along your chosen career path. Many of your friends are either married or in committed relationships. You have grown weary of the singles scene
and the solitary life. Therefore, you must be ready, right?
Not necessarily.
So what is relationship readiness anyway? Exactly what it says. You are adequately capable of handling the commitment and challenges that a healthy, intimate relationship requires.
How do you know if you are ready? What are the characteristics you need to have or acquire in order to be ready for true love?
There are four primary areas that you should explore in order to assess your present state of readiness.
1. Take an inventory of past traumas and related major issues.
You should mentally review these and honestly look at how well you have already addressed and resolved them.
As you work through each, ask yourself, "Is this impacting me negatively in my present life." Also explore with yourself the possibility that the issue could become problematic once you have entered into an intimate relationship.
If you believe that there are things you have not yet adequately dealt with, you need to go to work on these. If you are unsure, then they bear closer examination. Consider utilizing resources such as therapy or joining a support group.
An example of such issues can include, but not be limited to; emotional, physical or sexual abuse in childhood, parents' divorce, loss of a parent or other loved one, or a past abusive or dysfunctional love relationship.

2. How's your self-awareness and self-esteem?
If you do not possess adequate self knowledge and a positive sense of self; an intimate relationship will be difficult or impossible to sustain.
For instance, do you know yourself well enough to answer the following?

Can you state your most deeply held values?
Do you know what you can't live with or without in a relationship?
Do you have a good grasp of your life goals?
Do you know your own strengths and weaknesses?

Now, do a quick assessment of your self-esteem.
How do you see yourself?
How do others see you?

Remember you present different selves:
at work
with family
with friends
in gatherings with acquaintances

If your answers tell you that you have difficulty accepting and liking yourself, or if others frequently respond negatively to you in your interactions with them, then this is an area you should begin work on. Self-love is at the foundation of all healthy relationships.

3. Are your past relationships really in the past?
If we don't get adequate closure on painful experiences/issues from past relationships, we are at risk of bringing them into present and future relationships in order to relive and resolve them.
Therefore, it's important to know that you have dealt adequately with any significant hurt or loss and have learned from any dysfunctional dynamics you may have contributed to.
If you find yourself slipping into unhealthy patterns in your thoughts or Behaviors as they relate to others; stop, identify, and then deal with that leftover issue.

4. Do you know what you want from a relationship?
We enter into relationships for many different reasons and with many different expectations. Knowing what yours are will help you to determine if this is the right relationship for you.
Too often we "choose" someone using an unconscious level of thought as our primary input. It is there that we hold our deepest unmet needs, fears and desires. Unfortunately, there is often a chasm between our conscious and unconscious selves that keeps this information "hidden" from our rational and thinking side.
Therefore, it is very important to examine all of your feeling and needs regarding any future relationship. Honestly look at what you must have and cannot live without.
You must know what you want and need from a future partner in order to choose the right one for you.
Now, spend some time exploring these four important areas before you enter into a serious romantic relationship. By doing so, you will be helping to ensure that your new relationship will be a healthy and lasting one.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Keep it spicy...

Again... I'm sharing tips from Will and Jada. I like this couples attitude and agree with a lot of what they have to share. Whether swinging or not, that doesn't mean they can't give good advice that couples in successful relationships already now works. So I say keep it spicy ladies, and men too. Don't forget that we ladies also like it exciting.

In a recent interview with Redbook, Jada reveals tips for keeping the relationship hot:

Nice outfits and high heels! And talking. And making time. You’ve got to
make time. Our men want to feel important. We want to feel important. So it’s
about establishing an environment in which that can happen. It can be hard
because we get caught in the grind of life.
Establish relationships with family members or friends and take turns with
each other’s kids so you can make that time for yourselves. It doesn’t take a
lot of money - wallets are tight right now - so just simple stuff. A night walk?
Man, do I love those. Or pack a lunch and go to the park, like Will and I did.
Even a drive - and then pull over on the side of the road!
Think of places outside that are comfortable to have sex. Does he have
access to his office? Have a fantasy date. Be his secretary! Be sneaky. Your
girlfriend’s house at a party. The bathroom! A guest bedroom! Just switch it up.
Anything like that can keep it going. Anything it takes to keep the flame

Friday, June 12, 2009

Five tips to keep his attention

So you don't think he pays you enough attention. Here are five tips to help keep or regain that attention.

Some of us are great at the chase, but not so good at the kill. In other words, we know how to get the guy, but when it comes to keeping him, it’s a different story. Once you’ve impressed your guy and wooed him, and you both finally come down from cloud nine, what’s next? How do you keep a man interested and show him that you’re worth keeping around, especially once he realizes that you’re not perfect like he thought (none of us are)? Being yourself is always a good place to start, but there are other things that you can do to keep a man by your side, help him to really appreciate you, and take that step to commit. Here are five ways to get on your guy’s good side.

1. Learn to speak his love language.
First and foremost, find out what his love language is. You can make him dinner every night, but if his love language is “words of affirmation,” you’ll be spinning your wheels. Once you’ve determined his love language, you can tailor your affections to his needs, and you’ll even reap the benefits. When your man feels loved, he’ll be more likely to shower you with the affection you deserve.

2. Give him space.
You can help to keep a man interested by simply giving him space. He needs alone time, or at least time to pursue hobbies and interests that you might not share. Pick a time each week when you each do something on your own or with your friends. It’s always important to maintain your own friendships even when you’re in a relationship. In the novelty of a new relationship, many people are tempted to spend all of their time with their new date, while letting other relationships slip. Remember, there may come a day when you need the support of your friends, so make sure you stay in their good graces! The next time he tells you he made plans with his friends, smile and tell him to have fun. Then, schedule a date at the spa with a few of your friends.

3. Don’t be his mother (but get along with her).
The last thing your guy needs is a second mother.
Now, we all know that the men in our life need some help and guidance at times (okay, all of the time), but there are ways to do this without taking him back to his high school days when his mom constantly nagged him. Try asking him to do something just once, and if that doesn’t work, ask him gently a second time, but give him the benefit of the doubt. Don’t show him that you are bothered, or he’ll resent being asked to do it. He’ll be much more likely to accommodate you if you stay positive and make him feel like he wants to do it to help you.

4. Learn to like (or at least tolerate) the things he likes.
People are different, and that’s what makes us so unique. It’s also what enables us to have meaningful and special relationships with others. It’s important to realize from the onset that your guy won’t be exactly like you, and believe me you wouldn’t want that! Can you imagine if he went to get a pedicure every two weeks or spent an hour styling his hair every morning? That being said, we’d all love it if they would just let us be when we do take longer to get ready or when we spend money to keep ourselves looking good for them. Just the same, we should be willing to let them watch football and baseball, or even spend the weekend hunting with family or friends. With time, you might even start to enjoy watching football!
Bottom line: if you want him to humor you when you go shopping or sun yourself by the pool, you need to be willing to spend a few hours doing what he loves to do. All good relationships involve give-and-take, so try giving more, and then you won’t feel bad taking a little, too!

5. Don’t push the “M” word.
We all know that the “M” word is enough to scare any guy away, especially if he’s not ready for it. If you’ve been dating for two years and the subject has never come up, then you might want to gently broach the subject. On the other hand, if you’ve only been dating for six months, you may need to be more patient. Forcing a serious issue like marriage may do more harm than good. Concentrate on making him happy and he’ll eventually come around. And if you do finally venture into the dark waters, be prepared to gently back out if you sense he feels overwhelmed. Give your relationship a chance to run its course naturally. At the same time, don’t keep a man around longer than you should. If you give him adequate time to commit and he still doesn’t seem interested, it may be time to give him the boot.The most important thing to remember in a relationship is that your work doesn’t stop once he’s yours. In fact, even the best marriages are based on hard work, and if you want to keep a man, there’s no better time to start than now. Put these five principles into practice and he’ll be yours for good! How Well Do You Understand Men?They say men and women are from different planets. You have probably had a relationship or two where it was more like different galaxies and are well aware that understanding men is a little more complicated than being able to guess what he wants for dinner. While you will probably never be able to totally read a man's mind, just how well do you understand men?

Saturday, June 6, 2009

The two headed monster

The other day two very different friends of mine ask my opinion on a similar situation they were having in their relationships. The problem was, their other half started a silly fight and as far as they are concerned, about things that isn’t even worth quarrelling about. The BIGGER problem is when I asked did you try not arguing since you said you weren’t wrong. “No, I’m tried of backing down. I’m always the one doing it. I’m not wrong, he started it first.” So I’m going to tell you what I told them.

What do two heads create? Two heads create a monster. Now whether you think that’s biblical or logical it still creates a two headed monster. There can never be two heads in a relationship, and that is the problem. It has been said that men are the head and women are the neck that turns the head. A lot of strong women don’t know how to submit. I don’t like that word either, but it’s not as it seems. Submitting doesn’t mean doing everything that a man tells you to do, but letting him be a man. You are wondering where all the real men are? Well let me tell you. Women are becoming more aggressive towards men and this is causing men to back down and be more submissive. If you think this is a good thing, think again. Men will back down because they don’t like arguing, but what happens to an animal when it feels it's backed in a corner?

The next time your hubby starts a silly argument, DO NOT participate. If he is wrong he will come to you to makeup. When he does, let him talk, listen to everything he has to say before saying anything. When he is done, you need to tell him in the calmest way how you feel. Tell him that you don’t what to keep doing this. Make a list if needs be in preparation for the talk. However, your biggest test will come the next time he starts a silly argument. Once you have decided that you are no longer going to participate in these little insignificant arguments. You have to remind him (I don’t mean all the time, only when needed) that you mean business and stick to it. The bottom line is a person , whether man, woman or child will only do what you allow them to get away with.
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