Monday, April 27, 2009

Business or pleasure

Relationships take hard work. You probably heard this before, but it is true, anything worth having takes hard work and dedication. In order for your relationship to be successful both persons has to be on the same page. You can’t be hearing wedding bells and he’s thinking that you’re “just kicking it”. I come back to this and probably will a lot, communication, communication and communication. Think of your relationship as a business, you and your partner should have regular meetings to discuss the direction of your” business”. Discusses should include goals setting, plans to accomplish these goals and it’s always a good idea to evaluate, evaluate, evaluate. Have you heard of a successful business without structure? I’m sure there’s none.

Speaking from experience, communication has helped me and my husband a lot. Have you ever been upset with your spouse about something and you swear that they know exactly what is wrong with you, but they are just ignoring you? Ladies, you know what I’m taking about, that I’m mad that you can’t read my mind attitude. Okay, maybe that’s not what you want to say, but that’s what your other half is thinking. For the most part, none of us are mind reads and we shouldn’t assume that our partners are. If you what your partner to know what you are feeling. Tell them, and then you will see their true reaction.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Too many butterflies?

So, there are many services out there offering to help find you the perfect match, but how do you know what the perfect match is without outside help? There is so much to take into consideration now a days when it comes to choosing a mate. What I have notice is that a lot of women think it's all about the butterflies, not realizing that this is just the honeymoon stage and it will past. While the honeymoon stage is important to most, be careful not to loose yourself. When we’re “madly in love” we have a tendency to forget about “me” always remember that your well being should be most important to you, especially on the early stage. I think it is important to evaluate your relationship every now and then. Do a check list if needs be and ask yourself a few questions to keep you grounded. Here are some examples:

How do I feel about this person?
How do I think the person feel about me?
Do I need to know what this person is doing all the time?
Do I spend too much time with this person? (To the point were everything you do have to involve this person.)

The purpose for evaluating your relationship is not to put up a guard, but to make sure you have some control. Another important key is communication. If you are not sure about what stage your relationship is at, ask him and follow your instinct. If you don't think he's being truthful, you are probably right. Most times men are not malicious unless provoked and most of them are not very good at communicating either, but if this is established early in your relationship it should become easier with time.
Remember there is no text book way to deal with relationships, but following your instinct over your feels will prevent a lot of heartache in the long run. If you and your mate establish good communication it won’t be difficult to tell when you’re being lied to.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

I'm a good catch because...

I've heard over and over again from men and women that good partners are hard to find. I had a conversation with some male friends the other day and they told me that alot of women are materialist and all about what a man can do for them. They said that the independent ones are some for the worse of all and it made me think of a posting I saw at

One of the biggest complaints I’ve heard from my male friends in the past
have been “Women are single because they are too picky” or “they’re
standards are too high”. My Question has always been: Why would a well
educated woman with her own home, own car and booming career have to settle for
a bagger at the local market or better yet, a street pharmacist?
Shaina shares my sentiments as she hit me up the other day to question why
successful men can have the pick of the litter while women have to constantly
settle for less just to say “I have somebody”. I agreed 100%. Check out
her email below:

Reader Shaina shares my sentiments as she hit me up the other day to
question why successful men can have the pick of the litter while women have to
constantly settle for less just to say “I have somebody”. I agreed 100%.
Check out her email below:

"I wanted to forward you this email that my friend wrote in lieu of all
this wifing up strippers nonsense. We’ve been getting into a lot of
conversations lately and it was brought up that one of my male friends who has 3
degrees (bachelor’s, master’s, and phd) refuses to date any women with less than
2 degrees but if us as women tried to be selective like that we would end up
with no one. But then I got to thinking, why do we as successful Black women
have to settle? Why can’t we be selective (i.e.- only dating men who have
degrees etc.) too? Why should I have to settle for the 28 yr old working at
Juicy Couture and who “makes beats”?? I have have a degree from Penn State and
on the road to success, but yet if I choose to be selective, there’s no one
available. Anyway, here’s a letter from my friend:

Hey Shai,
So I was on the train this morning and this ghetto fab little Puerto Rican girl got on with this hood, Jeffrey-looking boy and they were having a conversation about the new tattoo the boy wanted to get and he was saying he wanted a cross with a “riddle.” And she was like, wtf Michael what kind of riddle do you want and he was like “ionno, just something about life” and it was so ignorant and I started thinking that despite all the hating, this girl has herself a dude, and while we have all the drive and potential and motivation in the world we don’t.
I also was thinking about your friend with the 3 degrees. He has every right and reason to be picky. Why? Because, AS A MAN, a successful one at that, he has females from every walk of life, from hood misses and trailer park chicks to middle class girls and college educated ladies and girls who come from money who don’t even have to work, ALL pining after him. As a man, he has a huge pool of ladies to choose from, so for him to have such a high criteria, even if he whittles his selection pool down on the basis of that criteria, he will still have a reasonable size pool left to select from…
That brings me to us. There are barely ANY dudes that make the BAREST OF MINIMUM requirements (i.e. well spoken, intelligent[if not educated] GAINFULLY employed [not at the Juicy Couture Store] decent looking, ambitious, and in general ABOUT SOMETHING), so if we were to start putting caps on sh*t (like “he must have at least 2 degrees”), we might find ourselves with a selection pool with no one swimming in it. Which brings me back to the girl and the boy on the train and the never-ending paradox that is life as a single, successful, black woman: is it better to settle for less or just be alone?

I think the problem is a bit of miscommunication. What the men are talking about is the big list of requirements that you have. Do you stop for a minute to think about what you are bring to the table and what he is looking for.
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