Friday, July 31, 2009

Tips for Building a strong relationship

Graman Bell shares this great ebook for free, and I though it was worth sharing. He talks briefly about the misconceptions of relationships, but goes in detail on these 10 topics. Enjoy the free book and try using the tips to improve your relationship. The topics are listed below, but click on the link for more details and your free ebook.

1. Have a strong commitment to making your relationship work
2. Think of yourselves as friends, not just as a couple
3. Accept each other's limitations
4. See yourselves as equal partners
5. Pay attention to how you communicate
6. Develop a support system
7. Handle disagreements constructively
8. Make sure each of you has some privacy and independence
9. Share rituals and traditions
10. Have fun

Monday, July 20, 2009

Two halves of a whole

Am I the only one that thinks someone played a huge trick on us? I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but men and women need each other more than we think or realize. Let me explain. Even though this can be argued for days. When it comes to matter of the heart, I think women are more emotional and men are more logical (there are exceptions). I will use myself as an example. I’m no different than any other woman. In fact those who know me can attest, I can be too emotional at times. The important thing is not to let your emotions get the best of you. My husband has taught me to be more logical, just as I have taught him to understand some of the things women are emotional about and the best way to handle these situations. The littlest things can upset the monster and learning to control it can be very difficult at times. It’s for this reason, men often think women are crazy.

The important thing as always, is communicating, it's just logical. When you're done bitching about all the emotions, you still have to make a logical decision. To be honest, I think women could avoid alot of cheater and liars, if we were more logical. You know, that gut feeling that we have and sometimes ignore because of our feelings(emotions). Yes that's your logical side trying to tell you something, and you should listen to it more.
Men think women are crazy, because it’s difficult to understand a problem they didn’t know exist. Most men, and even some women don't know the real reason women can be OVERLY emotional. Only you know what the real issue is and it’s up to you to communicate it to your partner, if you want to be understood. As much as you would like it to be that way. I don’t think there is anyone that can attually read minds, or are you hiding how you really feel because you are afraid to show weakness? If that’s the case, you have more problems than you think. This means trust is the real issue and there is no way to help each other if you can’t trust each other.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

10 topics couples fight about

Being prepared for the pitfalls in a relationship can help you work through them.

1. Timing togetherness: when and how often to see each other
2. Your level of commitment
3. Flirting with other people
4. Being late
5. Forgetting important dates (birthdays, anniversaries
6. Being faithful
7. Who spends how much money and on what
8. How you spend time (watching too much TV, going out with friends)
9. The amount or type of sex you have
10. Family (when and whom to visit, their disapproval, stepchildren

According to datingweb, here are ten topics couples fight about the most. If you’re fighting about these things, you probably need to consider working on your communication skills. Most of these are ground work topics that should be discussed in the dating period.

A common mistake that too many people make is jumping into relationships without doing the ground work. It is critical to the success of your relationship that you find out where the other person stands on most of these things before getting serious. If you thought you had this topic wrapped, but it seems things have changed. It’s time to have a chat with your boobie. Just like you would in The two head monster situation, try not to argue or accuse. Have a calm conversation about these changes and the things that you BOTH can do to improve on them. Yes, I did say BOTH, remember that a relationship takes two and by including yourself, you are showing support and that you aren’t just pointing the finger.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Relapse is possible

Emotional Relapse via NRGS is:
Emotional relapse is when the emotional content of the problems exceed, or take over, the intellectual content. It is when the irrational dominates the rational. It is when your emotional self is believed to be more important and realistic than your intellectual self. As if‘your intellectual self has no bearing on what is the right thing to do. Greater the emotional content of your problem(s), the greater the risk of relapse. Some of the problematic emotions for recovery are: self pity, anger, and resentment. If not checked and dealt with, these emotions can lead a person to relapse.

For the past couple of weeks or so I have been dealing with some self-esteem issues. My previously flawless skin has turned against me! Well at lest that’s how I feel, and what do you know… it’s affecting my relationship with my husband and my son. I feel like everyone is staring at these “flaws” and I’m unattractive. My husband tries to reassure me that I still look great, but I get mad at him for trying to fix a problem I think he knows nothing about. Sometimes it's too much and my family needs a shield from my emotional explosion. When I can’t shake these issues, I am open with my husband about how I feel and if needs be, I might have to tell him to grab the baby and take cover.

As women we are naturally emotional. There is nothing we can do about it, but we can definitely keep it in check. Every now and then I have to remind myself that the world does not revolve around me and I just need to go with the flow. Lucky for me, I have a child that helps remind me of that. Women with self-esteem issues are drive by their emotions. I know from experience that it can get ugly really quickly, if we wallow in self pity. It’s not wrong to feel the way that you do. After all, it’s your feelings and you are entitled to them. If we really think about the things that we as women stress about, most of the time it’s not even worth it.

So remember to stay grounded, because reality is, the world doesn’t revolve around us. It goes on with or without us. Be happy with yourself, change the things that you have control of and learn to accept what you can’t. Don't be afraid to communicate with your spouse about the way you feel. Once you have learned to love yourself , you will be happier and you are more contented, but just like with an addiction, relapse is very possible.
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